Hiding the Cracks
by georgiasf
Summary: Angst fest set during 'On My Way'. The minute Kurt found about Dave Karofsky's attempted suicide the world dropped out from under his feet and nobody knew about it.


The minute Kurt found about Dave Karofsky's attempted suicide the world dropped out from under his feet and nobody knew about it.

Mr. Schuester called all of the New Directions into his classroom before school, instead of the choir room. When he told them he looked everyone in the eye, gauging their reactions. Some of the girls started crying, the guys looked down at the floor or comforted their girlfriends. Kurt froze, never taking his eyes off the chalkboard behind Will's head. Blaine rubbed his arm, but Kurt didn't respond. He picked up his bag and walked to his first hour, completely void of any emotions.

His reaction worried the rest of the club. Mercedes kept trying to get him to talk in one of their classes but he wouldn't open up. At lunch he kept to himself, even with Blaine and Rachel on either side of him, trying to cheer him up. In the one class Blaine and Kurt had together, Blaine scooted himself closer to his boyfriend and held his hand during class, homophobes be damned. During Glee Club everybody was somber, but Kurt didn't speak at all, his eyes always downcast or staring off into the distance. It scared Rachel, Mercedes and Finn a little, because he hasn't had that kind of behavior since his dad was in the hospital last year. Blaine eventually just picked him up and put him in his lap and held him until the bell rang. He walked him out to his car and gave him a long hug. "Call me, okay?" Blaine asked. Kurt merely nodded before climbing in his car.

—

"You gotta talk to him, Finn,"

"What? I wouldn't even know what to say!"

"You know both of them better than I do!"

"Not-really, no. Kurt and I are close but I never saw Karofsky as more than another guy on the football team who liked to pick on Kurt."

"All I know is that Dave has had a big impact on Kurt's life and he just tried to _kill himself last night._ He needs his brother more than his friend,"

"…fine, Rachel. I'll see what I can do tonight,"

"_Thank_ you, Finn,"

—

Burt and Carole Hudson-Hummel were at meetings tonight, so Kurt and Finn had the house to themselves. Kurt was absentmindedly flipping through one of the fashion magazines that came for him in the mail. Finn sat down on the couch prepared to talk, but instead asked him if it was okay if he watched the latest sports game. Kurt flicked his hand and gave a small "whatever," keeping his eyes on the magazine. Finn turned on the tv and they sat in peace.

During the game, Finn kept flicking his eyes over to his step-brother, seeing how he was holding up. Sometimes he would look over to the wall or the coffee table and appeared to be a million miles away. Finn could tell he wasn't really reading the magazine articles, but just scanning through the magazine. During a commercial break he put the tv on mute and turned to Kurt. "Dude we need to talk about today," he finally said.

Kurt looked up to him with a tired look in his eyes and looked back down to the magazine. "There's nothing to talk about," he brushed off quietly. He gained a little emotion in his face so Finn kept pushing.

"Dude there's tons to talk about like the fact you almost turned into a zombie today because Karofsky tried-"

"You think I don't know that! I was with you when Schuester told us the news!" Kurt had finally cracked. He flipped the magazine over and stood up quickly, pointing a finger at his older step-brother. "It's _my fucking fault_ he did it, Finn! All my fault!" His voice cracked on the last word. Kurt burst into tears. The sobs racked his body and he collapsed toward the ground, holding his arms across his chest. Finn got off the couch and wrapped his arms around Kurt's shaking body. He tried to comfort him in the best way he could. Kurt kept muttering "it's my fault _all_ my fault,".

After a few minutes Kurt finally calmed down enough to form coherent words again. Finn was sitting behind Kurt, holding him to his chest. "Do you want to talk about it now?" he asked quietly, not wanting to upset the boy anymore.

Kurt sniffled and nodded. "He-he was my secret admirer for Valentine's Day. We met at Breadstix before Sugar's party. He told me he-he loved me. I had to let him down and say I was still-with Blaine. He was upset when he left. That's why I kept to myself until Blaine showed up again." Finn kept quiet, listening to Kurt's story as he went on.

"He called me, Finn. He called me _nine_ times, and I ignored all of them. The last one could have been the one right before he did it. I could have stopped him. Finn he probably called to ask me whether he should go through with it." His voice became higher and got more hysterical. "I-I should have answered. I could have stopped-it's all my fault." Kurt's eloquent mask shattered again and his few tears multiplied into many more. He started shaking again so Finn held him tighter, murmuring "shh" in his ear and slightly rocking him. He held as tight as he could without suffocating the boy. Finn was hoping that holding Kurt would keep him from falling apart even more.

"Kurt. Kurt listen to me." Finn started. He kept his grip on him as he spoke. "Kurt this was_not_ your fault, okay?" Kurt started to protest but Finn stopped him. "No, just listen. You didn't tell Karofsky to do it. You didn't push him to do it. The jackasses at his new school did. Okay?" Kurt's body had stopped shaking by now and he was listening intently to his older brother. "It's not your fault." he repeated. They sat quietly for a few moments, letting the words soak in.

"But Finn, if I picked up the phone even once-"

"No, Kurt. Don't think like that. You didn't know he would try to commit. I'm guessing you thought he was calling to get you back, right? So you ignored the calls. That was good on your part." Finn didn't know where the words were coming from but he kept at it. "Don't blame this all on you. It was _not. your. fault_." Kurt's tears still poured down his face but he was calmer now. He quickly turned around and hugged Finn this time, still crying into his shoulder.

"Thank you, Finn," he whispered. "I needed to hear that," He pulled back and wiped his tears with his sleeve. "Thank you," he repeated. The Hudson-Hummel brothers hugged again, growing closer by the minute


End file.
